Master Performing

This is the third of four installments in Perfectionism, Acceptance, and Compassion in the Performing Arts.

When it comes to setting and achieving—or not achieving—performance standards for ourselves, acceptance is a toughie. It is very true that part of healing, growing, improving, and just generally keeping a balanced head requires acceptance; but just what is acceptance?

Many performing artists are puzzled by the notion that they should accept their suckitude. I think this is because the word acceptance is often mis-understood. Does acceptance mean that we are supposed to think that falling short of our performance standards is a good thing?

Um, no.

First, let’s establish what acceptance is NOT, by inserting some words which people commonly equate with acceptance:

I’m willing to bet that none of those statements are –ever- going to result in your improving your craft.

I warned you earlier that I might ruffle a few feathers in the process of writing this series – so bear with me and know that all the good warm fuzzy stuff is yet to come, in the next installment on Compassion. For now, I am wanting to examine our use of the word acceptance in the context of pursuing excellence in our craft; not in the context of making ourselves feel warm and fuzzy.

When we blat, splat, fudge, or crack, the next step for any dedicated artist is to look at why that happened, and then take steps to hone the craft so that these things are less likely to happen in the future. Further down the page, we’ll look at a more healthy way to frame ‘acceptance’, but first, let’s examine that last point a bit.

In order to improve our game, we have to be aware of what is really in our hand. Not what we wish we had, but what we truly have, in objective reality. One thing that has always puzzled me is that so many performers who play mock auditions for their peers and ask for feedback, yet only want to hear the positive stuff.

Buddy #2 is not accepting his flaws. And guess what? If he doesn’t accept them, he can’t fix them… and if he doesn’t fix them, chances are, he is not going to land his big gig.

A reminder, what acceptance is NOT:

What acceptance is:

Now I would like to offer you a few words to use in place of the word acceptance, in order to really drive home the fact that accepting a flaw does not mean reveling in it.

That’s quite a bit different than reveling in, settling for, and celebrating sub-standard performance. Implicit in those statements is, “Right-o. Now, what shall I do to improve this flaw?”

Great. Now that you’ve admitted and acknowledged the sub-standard aspects of your performance, what next? How is this going to help you improve and feel good about yourself? (Remember, there is still more to come in the Compassion section.)

In counselling, one type of therapy is called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and I think it is a great way of looking at how to grow and improve as an artist. In a nutshell, the ACT approach takes the position that the first step to healing (or improving) is to accept the problem. Let’s use a person with money-spending problems as an example:

This does NOT mean that the person is joyful about this in any way.

This means that the person is admitting that something very significant and problematic is on their plate, and recognizing that there is work ahead in order to adapt and deal with it. That’s the acceptance part. Then comes the commitment part:

Now this person will commit to working on a budget with their credit counsellor. It will mean some real lifestyle changes, and it will be hard, but the problem is very real, and they’re going to stay grounded as they work through this. They may have a slip-up now and then, but will stay connected to the original issue and will soldier on until they’re out of debt and on their feet.

See how nicely this translates into the pursuit of optimal performance? To re-cap from the previous post on Perfectionism, nobody wants to give a bad performance. We always want to aim for or utmost; so we prepare to perfection, and when we deliver less than that (which is nearly always!), we accept what we just performed. That does not mean that we love our mistakes!

It means:

Prepare with the highest standards of perfection that align with your current skill set.

Perform with focus and joy – and yes, while we are always focusing on excellence in execution, this is also the time to flow freely, express your artistry, and forgive your flubs.

Accept those flubs. Yep. Acknowledge and name them. You don’t have to love them or hate them – just acknowledge them. Then put them in proverbial pile to deal with on a practical level. Oh, while you’re at it – go ahead and acknowledge those expressive artistic things you did, too.

Commit to honing those flubs in your next practice phase.

We really have to tend to all aspects of our artistic garden. Sometimes we’re so concerned about one aspect of our craft, that we neglect another aspect and it grows over with weeds. Look at the clarinet dude in the drawing above, who was falling short on his rhythm and dynamics and at first didn’t want to admit it. Now that he has accepted that he has those flaws in his playing, he will come up with a plan to hone these aspects of his playing for next time.

The trick is, of course, to do all this without beating yourself up. We’ll address this in the next installment, Self Compassion.

(You can re-visit this page on your own time, or you can click here to subscribe.)

-Lisa

Perfectionism is getting a bad rap nowadays, and in this section of Perfectionism, Acceptance, and Self-Compassion in the Performing Arts, I’d like to challenge that a bit. Maybe even a lot.

One sentiment that I have been hearing for a while now that just doesn’t add up with the idea of seeking excellence in performance, is the idea of “not being so worried about being perfect.”

I’d like to talk about when the pursuit of perfection is helpful, and when it’s debilitating. If I wrinkle you in the process, then please bear with me, because in the next installments (Acceptance and Self-Compassion), I’ll address what I think many people seek to address when they instead talk about perfectionism.

I don’t know how to say this politely, so I’ll just cut to it: As a performer who has spent hours honing finger smoothness, accuracy, sound, pitch, and musical phrasing, the idea of not worrying about it being perfect sounds like…. BUNK! Junk. Garbage. Untrue. I can’t relate to it. I don’t want to hear/see bad performances, I don’t want to give them, and I –certainly- don’t want to prepare (imperfectly!) for them thinking that’s it’s okay to suck!

That said, I’m not famous…

… so in case you’ll relate to this better if it comes from a famous person, Evelyn Hart, Canada’s icon of excellence in ballet, said to me recently,

“I think often vision is mislabeled “perfectionism” by those without the talent to see or instinctively feel that there is more (to great artistry) than meets the eye or ear; without this there is no originality.

Unfortunately being an original is a lonely road and the drive to realize those inner visions needs to be nurtured and understood as such. If one understands this unique perspective of the individual’s art, one can know how much courage it takes to follow those whisperings of the soul. Alas few do but that is because originals are just that one of a kind!”

It’s hard to refute that, especially coming from such a true artist who made such a lasting impact on the field of ballet. Let me distill that beautiful quote of Evelyn’s:

Let’s stop pretending that seeking excellence is a bad thing. Let’s not say that we don’t go into the practice room or rehearsal with the vision to hone our craft to perfection, or that we don’t hope to bring the same to the stage. Excellence in preparation and in performance. Perfexcellence, if you will. We seek it.

No; but in a balanced, healthy way, a great artist will always be –aiming for– perfection. (In the Self-Compassion section, we’ll talk about what to do when the perfexcellence doesn’t happen. Prepare for it, aim for it, but accept it when it doesn’t happen… then aim for it again.)

Now for the Psych-Speak. What is un/balanced? What is un/healthy? What is un/productive?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) is a thick behemoth of a publication which psychologists and psychiatrists use for diagnosing personality disorders. Sometimes, nuggets can be pulled from this and wielded about out of context in damaging ways. I’d like to clear up a thing or two about perfectionism. (I welcome all comments and corrections, if I speak out of turn. Please feel free to contact me if I am in error.)

The first thing to understand is that we all have personality or character traits that exist in balance (or sometimes out of balance). Each personality trait can exist in many different shades of intensity, and simply displaying a shade of one trait does not make for a black-and-white label.

Perfectionism does play heavily in certain personality disorders (for example, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, or OCPD); however, displaying an isolated character trait is –NEVER- enough to paint one’s whole being with the brush of a disorder.

When enough specific traits are combined in one person, and when those traits result in distress for the individual or when they impair that person’s social functioning, then a trained professional can make a diagnosis; but guess what? Perfectionism is not a disorder. There’s no pill for it. And if you don’t mind my saying, perfectionism in the performing arts is not necessarily a bad thing.

The trait of perfectionism, if it causes you distress or if it impairs your social functioning, is called maladaptive perfectionism. Alas, what if there is no distress involved, other than a healthy dose of caring about one’s craft? What if you derive immense artistic satisfaction from spending two hours in a practice room gently perfecting your Bolero snare, your Shakespeare ‘r’, your Brahms bow-arm co-ordination, or your Bach articulation? I am going to call this productive perfectionism, and I am going to say that it is not only an acceptable trait in performing artists, but a necessary one.

Ben Kamins (former principal bassoonist with the Houston Symphony and professor of bassoon at Rice University) said very succinctly in John Beder’s film, Composed: A Documentary, something like, “(what we do as musicians is) …extraordinary. There is nothing ordinary about it.”

Back to the DSM, here is a section which addresses perfectionism in relation to OCPD. Note that it is only one section of a much bigger context:

“Rigid perfectionism: Rigid insistence on everything being flawless, perfect, without errors or faults, including one’s own and others’ performance; sacrificing of timeliness to ensure correctness in every detail; believing that there is only one right way to do things; difficulty changing ideas and/or viewpoint; preoccupation with details, organization, and order.”

Now, I am not saying that performing artists are exempt from all issues surrounding maladaptive perfectionism, nor am I saying that no performing artist is afflicted with OCPD; but what I am saying is that the excerpt above is a very far cry, in my opinion, from prioritizing practice time over popcorn time, and does not reflect the standard attention to detail that is a part of achieving excellence in performance.

 Why am I making such a big deal about this? It is because I am observing many performing artists being confused by the non-performing-artist universe pleading them not to be so driven, not be such “perfectionists” – and it is puzzling them! It’s causing them distress and dissonance and confusion, questioning themselves on whether they are out of their minds to want to hone their skills and perform to their top level, rather than say “stuff it, let’s just eat popcorn and not bother getting to the next level on my craft.”

Alright, so where do we draw the line between maladaptive perfectionism and productive perfectionism? This is crucial. Crucial.

Here are some examples:

Maladaptive perfectionism:

Maladaptive perfectionism:

________________________________________

Productive perfectionism:

Productive perfectionism:

The most crucial part of this is to realize that NOBODY can solve this for you in an article. You are the world expert on You, and you will know best whether your perfectionism is helping you to thrive (productive perfectionism) or whether it’s hampering you (maladaptive perfectionism). Remember, too, that there is more coming later on self-compassion, which a key part of this equation. If you think you need help letting go of some maladaptive perfectionism, don’t hesitate to consult a qualified coach, counsellor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. If you think you have a simple case of productive perfectionism, then welcome to being an artist!!!

The truth is, performing artists need to seek the highest level of excellence at all times, and it is not easy. Go back to Evelyn Hart’s quote.

In a nutshell, any performing artist wishing to attain excellence will need to train for perfection; the pursuit of perfection doesn’t necessarily mean always attaining it; and for those times that we don’t attain it, that’s where acceptance and self-compassion come in.

Stay tuned! The section on Acceptance is coming soon! (You can re-visit this page on your own time, or you can click here to subscribe.)

-Lisa

In my work both as a performer and a coach, nowadays I am encountering more and more the topics of perfectionism, acceptance, and self-compassion in preparation and in performance.

These terms are useful ones to explore; they’re valid terms which definitely have relevance to those in pursuit of peak performance. That said, they have the hallmarks of ‘buzz-words’; they’re sometimes thrown about colloquially while not being very well defined or explained, and are often used a bit out of context. I have observed that sometimes, when performing artists misinterpret these terms and mis-apply those interpretations to their own craft, the result can be worse performances, not better ones. I’d like to help clear this up.

Since I like drawing pretty pictures, let’s add some here:

There are some approaches to well-being and balance that sound really beautiful…

… but are awfully hard for a performing artist to integrate into their pursuit of delivering a finely-honed craft. How about this?

________________________________________________________

Or this?

This blog trilogy will aim to address some of the dissonance that performing artists experience in their quest for high-level performance:

We’ll hear from Evelyn Hart, former Prima Ballerina of Canada’s Royal Winnipeg Ballet on perfectionism. She oughta know!

We’ll talk about when good is good enough, and when it’s not.

We’ll pull from the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, a reference of psychological diagnoses). We’ll define perfectionism and explore when it is debilitating… and when its not.

We’ll define and demystify the term “acceptance” – and you will probably be re-assured to learn that this does -not- entail anyone telling you that you’re supposed to love it when you suck. (We all suck sometimes, and there are few things more annoying than being told to embrace your suckitude when you’ve just crashed at a performance. Sucking sucks. Let’s not pretend otherwise.)

Finally, we’ll talk about self-compassion, and how this is a very useful complement to what I am going to label “Productive Perfectionism”.

At the end of it, I hope you’ll go into your preparation and practice with a renewed sense of curiosity, commitment, and yes, attention to detail.

Stay tuned! Part 1 in the trilogy is coming soon! (You can re-visit this page on your own time, or you can click here to subscribe.)

-Lisa

Nowadays these terms are all a-buzz in the performing arts.

What does all of this really mean?

I’m not going to go all Merriam-Webster on you. I’m just going to draw you some pretty pictures and put a few concepts into my own words.

Firstly, optimal performance:

It’s important to note that optimal performance is not absolute. It’s more subjective, more about the individual and whether they rise to their own capabilities.

A 5-year old’s Royal Conservatory of Music Grade 1 coconut shell performance exam is going to be quite different from oh, say, Yo-Yo Ma playing Bach cello suites.

Sure, one of them is better than the other on an absolute scale; but when we’re talking about mental skills, peak performance, and the pursuit of excellence, it is one’s own optimal performance that we’re really after.

(Pursuit of excellence on an absolute scale is another topic, which I’ll explore in another post on preparation.)

And now, sub-optimal performance:

Yep. Sub-optimal performance encompasses that whole great range, everything from this:

To this:

…plus everything in between.

Now, for stage fright and performance anxiety. The terms are more or less interchangeable. In my coaching practice I find that more actors use the term ‘stage fright’, and more musicians use the terms ‘performance anxiety’. Why? I don’t know. Maybe musicians don’t want to admit being afraid and actors don’t want to admit to anxiety? I’ll give a free café au lait to whoever comes up with the best explanation. 🙂

Stage fright/performance anxiety exists across the whole continuum of sub-optimal performance. Somewhere around where the alligators hang out is one of the least fun places to be, but feeling scattered, unfocused, or just plain ‘meh’ about a performance is no great feeling, either.

What does all of this mean?

It means that just because you don’t pull rabbits out of your hat every single time, doesn’t mean that you deserve to be eaten by lions and alligators. Similarly, just because you sometimes feel as though your artistry is alligator food, it doesn’t mean that you are not capable of delivering something further up the continuum towards your optimal performance.

It means that those moments where you wish for the trap door to open, the performances where you just delivered a greyscale image of your own artistry, and the performances where you were really quite good but didn’t deliver your ace-most self, are all made of the same stuff.

Where and when do you slip from technicolour to greyscale, and from meh to alligator food? How can you pull those meh moments up in to a higher spot on the continuum, until you can reach a point of consistent optimal delivery of your stuff? That’s where mental skills come in. Next time I’ll explore a definition of mental skills, and will also talk about excellence in preparation.

Thanks for reading.

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Burnout is a real challenge for athletes and performers. Sports Psychology practitioners and coaches discuss it a great deal, but in the performing arts, we don’t talk about it nearly enough. It is hard for artists to recognize when they need a recharge, or when they’re well and truly finished with the pursuit.

I came across this post  on a trumpet blog recently, and I think it is a wonderful opening to a dialogue about exhaustion, burnout, boredom, finding perspective, re-kindling intrinsic motivation, and all that good stuff.

What do you think?

Who has never gone through the day with a cloud of Must-Practice anxiety and Oof, Don’t-Want-To avoidance hovering, only to tuck themselves into bed at night wrapped in a blanket of Gack-I-Will-Tomorrow,-Really guilt? After all, if I were halfway serious about my pursuit to be the top Coconut Shellist in The Universe, surely I would have practiced today until my fingers bled, rather than having had brunch with my friend, a visit with my elderly neighbor, and a good scrub of the bathroom sink and tiles with my old toothbrush. Right? Actually, wrong! 🙂

What would your reaction be if I told you that one of the top musicians in North America puts their instrument on a shelf for a whole month each year? Yes. This musician is a principal chair player in a Top 5 Orchestra, and each year, puts the instrument away. Fully, solidly, away, for a Whole. Entire. Month.

To many who aspire to reach the top, this seems inconceivable. We are conditioned—often by our imaginations—to think that to be serious about our craft, we never take days off. The truth is, we could not be more wrong.

Performing artists find it very difficult to separate Who They Are from What They Do. We’re conditioned to think that to be a serious artiste, we need to eat, sleep, and breathe our craft. Filled with grey areas and fine lines, this is a topic that makes for great fireside debate. After all, few dentists are so passionate about their craft that they sit in carpools and tear apart the latest… um… left-hand root canal drill technique as seen on the You Tube Dental Channel? How about accountants; they’re as driven towards perfectionism as anyone, I’ve never known one to study the book-keeping logging technique of dozens of other accountants, seeking the perfect way to craft a column, or to go out for a drink after a long day of tax-filing and rave about how gorgeously the expense rows lined up today. The truth is that being a performing artist –is– special, and comes with an exceptionally high intrinsic motivational factor that goes hand-in-hand with our identities. It’s far more than “just a job”. In fact, as a mentor once said to a training orchestra, “The day it becomes a job? That’s the day you quit.”

As performing artists, we have a special and vested interest in our craft. It does define a large part of who we are, and we do approach it with a sense of pursuit more intense than most other professions. To set that passionate pursuit aside, whether for a day each week, or for a month each year, can open up self-doubt and self-questioning. See opening paragraph. We’ve all been there.

How can we strike a balance?

The second most productive thing we can do for our minds and our bodies is to Take A Break. That said, as you well know, the Day-Off-By-Default-Because-I-Procrastinated doesn’t achieve much in terms of recalibration. This leads me to the first most productive thing we can do: Declare it Beforehand!

Now, here is your assignment, should you choose to accept it 🙂 :

1) Declare Your Break. The nature and magnitude of your break will be for you to decide. If you have a recital next week, then you may declare your break to be an afternoon with a magazine and a hot chocolate, or an hour brushing your neighbour’s dog. If you’ve just completed an eight-month tour and your next booking is in June, you might declare your break to be two weeks of intensively examining the insides of your eyelids while surrounded in pillows, or being a house-potato. Whatever you choose as your break, be sure to name it. Decide it. Declare it. Own that puppy.

2) Take That Break. Take it without apology, and without guilt. You are the World Expert on You, and if you have declared this break, chances are you will benefit from it. Take it. Love it. Savour it.

If you find yourself having guilty feelings about your break, try writing it in the 3^rd-person format. Here is an example of what you might write if you were Shelly, who is feeling overwhelmed in the face of an important audition right around the corner: “Shelly has an audition next week for the Principal Coconut Shell position with the Big Time Philharmonic; having practiced 8 hours a day for the past 11 weeks, Shelly has declared that this afternoon will be dedicated to alphabetizing the sock drawer and polishing a 1920’s typewriter. Shelly is looking forward to this mental unplug, and tomorrow, those coconut shell excerpts are going to sound fresher than ever.” 

Writing/speaking of yourself in the 3rd person is a good way to get a better perspective, and to be kinder to yourself. Perhaps more on that in a future post, but for now? Go take your break. I’m pretty sure you’re earned it.

Enjoy!

-Lisa

*If you took a significant break (1 week, 1 month, or longer), then I recommend a re-integration-into-practice routine such as the one described by cellist Janet Horvath in her book, Playing Less Hurt. Although written by a string player, her routine works very well even for non-string players and singers. You can modify it to suit your own situation; it makes a terrific template.

Following is a story from a friend who recently had the privilege of hearing a remarkable Olympian speak. Her dedication is something from which all musicians can be inspired. It is a long post, but it is worth the read.

*****

Alisa Camplin is Australia’s first female winter Olympics gold medalist, winning in arial skiing at Salt Lake City in 2002. She won eight years after deciding, at age 19, to learn how to ski for the exact purpose of becoming an Olympian arial skier. It was incredible to hear how disciplined and dedicated she was to making her Olympic dream come true.

For instance, for three years of those eight years she rose at 4:45am and completed training before working 8am-6:30pm at IBM and then either 7pm-10pm coaching gymnasts, or 7pm-1am delivering pizza. Her weekends were either more work, or training, or both.
In summer training she realised that the women were averaging 15-20 runs a day, while the men were averaging 30. She stopped taking the training bus to practice and would cycle there early instead so that she could start straight away and be the last person to finish. She averaged 38 runs per day.

Her injuries have been extensive; 6 concussions, broke her sternum twice, dislocated shoulders, broken clavicle, 6 ribs broken 8 times, plus more, including having her second knee reconstruction a few months before she took bronze at the 2006 Olympics.

Besides her dedication, what stood out was her planning and her attention to detail. When she first met with Australia’s arial skiing head coach at age 19, she found out that there were seven key components needed to succeed at the sport: skiing; acrobats; physical conditioning; mental skills; experience; team/coaching/support; and finances. The current Australian champion—who had placed eighth at the Olympics—scored a 65 out of 70, according to the coach. Alisa got him to rank her, too. She scored a 5/70. So they developed a plan to get her to 65/70 by year seven, breaking down each year’s goals into clear steps.

Alisa left nothing to chance. She rigorously tested different foods, drinks, and music to identify the ones that were best for her blood sugar levels and best prepared her to compete. She had the same breakfast for five years straight.

Alisa had contingency plans for everything. She was so good at making use of her time during bad weather delays that she eventually preferred it because it gave her a competitive advantage. A photo of her on the hill under an umbrella is one of her favourites, because that day every other competitor was getting wet in the rain, as she was the only one who had thought to pack an umbrella.

A year in advance of the Olympics, she realised she wasn’t consistent enough in her performance, which she determined was because of two things: her own mental doubts and her coach being so upset about scoring changes that he no longer thought the team could perform well enough to win. So she organised a sports psychologist to work with her, and a technical coach who believed in her ability to win. She did affirmations, trigger-and-response plans, took up meditation and visualisation and became her ‘own greatest cheerleader’. She focused on keeping things positive in her bubble, and following the right processes. Anything that wasn’t positive was pushed out. As a result, she became a consistent performer.

Because they didn’t know if she’d be able to sleep before her big day at the Olympics, she had days where she purposely trained on no sleep. In case anything went wrong with her coach she had a backup coach who was trained and tested to know exactly how to step into her coach’s place. Then, six weeks before the Olympics, she broke both her ankles. So 5.5 weeks of her preparation was entirely mental—visualising her performance. And she took gold.

Alisa noted that her drivers changed over time, but there were always things drawing her forward, keeping her committed and willing to make sacrifices. Sometimes it was to prove the naysayers wrong. Other times, it was to represent Australia. On the day, it was mostly about proving to herself that she could do it, and succeed for her team.

She has taken a similar approach to her professional career—a lot of planning, very driven—and is a top executive with IBM. After her infant son died due to congenital heart problems, she established a foundation that has raised millions for cardiac research and equipment, some of which was used when her daughter was born with a hole in her heart that healed over after birth.

She is a remarkable person.

The big thing with sessions like that is what to take away from it and apply. There were a few things she said that aren’t new but are worth reflecting on, such as…

• A goal without a plan is a wish.
• You can fake passion (as she had with marathon running, her original plan for an Olympic sport), but it won’t stick.
• Goals need to be personally important.
• Ask self “Why do I want to do this?” Ask self again. And again. And again. Knowing and connecting with the layers feeds your dedication.
• Ask, “Am I working hard enough when no one else is watching?”
• Focus on the process—what you can control and achieve—not the outcomes.

*****

I recently listened to an interview with William Westney.

The leanmusician.com describes William Westney as “…a concert pianist, professor and artist-in-residence at Texas Tech University & the author of ‘The Perfect Wrong Note’ a book about – as the subtitle says – ‘rediscovering your musical self’.”

The interview is approximately 52 minutes long, so if you do not have time to listen to it, then I have cherry-picked for you my favourite nugget! Here it is (at 25:44, if you want to listen to it):

“How can everything that I’m doing feel great?”

At that moment, he is speaking about what attitude he takes into the practice room.

That is  a winning attitude if ever I did hear one. What I take away from this is not a pursuit of self-indulgence, but rather a firm commitment to the art and to the craft, constantly making connections among body, mind, and instrument. I take from this a commitment to play with such connection and dedication that we’re not just playing the right notes in tune, but that we are connecting with our full mental focus and physiological engagement.

There’s another one in there too which of course is nothing new, but always nice to be reminded, “We wouldn’t be doing this if we didn’t love the music.”

Hear, hear. 🙂